Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
