I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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