if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
