someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
