Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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