i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
found the other keg... it's in the tree
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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