It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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