absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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