After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We have so much sex to catch up on
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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