you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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