Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He did a backflip because drugs
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
