I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize