So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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