i would punch a child for taco bell
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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