that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
