A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
