i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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