you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
