so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
false alarm. still invincible.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize