Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
