You're my little dorito
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
