highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
and she was petting her beer can
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
