i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
