Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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