I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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