There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
