So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
