ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
