ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
