and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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