8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
