I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
we're so committed to being not committed
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize