An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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