dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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