he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
