So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
