Your face is a jimmy john
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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