How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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