There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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