My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
