considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
