Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
