You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
