I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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