that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize