is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
