I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
