well you can't waste a boner
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
