I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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