man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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