nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
