Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
