I'm laying in your front yard are you home
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
