I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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