Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
