you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Do vagina's smell?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
