just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
