Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
