Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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