I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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