you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
