And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
