Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
