My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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